he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
