I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
