May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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