can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
