I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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