He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Randomize
