I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
