I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
