just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Randomize
