Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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