I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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