he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
just found out that she named her cat after me.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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