after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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