what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
