I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she peed on how many people?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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