During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
