i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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