: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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