You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
