cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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