Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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