I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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