paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
