dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
