You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i wish my penis had a tongue
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
They have beer where we have blood.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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