so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
