Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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