DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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