I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
