I think I won the penis lottery.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
the liver wants what the liver wants
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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