Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
