After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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