I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
