i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
