At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
