I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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