My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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