I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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