you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
