i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
