Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
