you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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