It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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