Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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