so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
