just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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