____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
