Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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