I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
