She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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