He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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